New Years. Spring. Budding trees and plants. Beginnings. All these things excite me. I look forward to these things; perhaps I look forward to them too much. I have come to a realiztion - a small epiphany: I have tremendous difficulty finishing things. To discover why I could, perhaps, pay my husband's hard earned cash to have a detailed psychological evaluation completed on this hunk of flesh and mental aptitude or lack thereof. Or not. I could also speak with a dear friend whom I trust to prod and rebuke me gently. Or not. Or, I could pour out my heart before the all-seeing One and listen to what He convicts me of: laziness and selfishness. Ummmm....Can I change my mind and spend the cold hard cash instead to ignore the truth? But isn't that problem? When we hide, ignore, lie, cover the truth we are, in fact, removing the hope we have to change. It is only exposing myself to the ugly truth that I can see things for what they really are and therefore begin to change.
So, what am I doing about it? Baby steps. It's embarrassing to admit that I've been rather muddled lately on what to do first. There are so many large things that either need to be finished or started in addition to the smaller things, that I've succombed to just ignoring the whole lot for a period of time and reading instead. Reading about homemaking. I mean just reading. I can't say that I've found myself in this place before. So, today my first tangible step to begin my 'finishing journey' is turn to a 'mentor' and gain some fresh vision and insight. One of my current mentors is Tsh Oxenreider and author of Organized Simplicity. I had purchased the Kindle version a couple of months ago and hadn't read very far. But this Mommy cancelled school today and began renewing her vision.
Second, I'm going to 'finish' some small projects while I try to process what I've read.
Third, I'm going to spend some time meditating on Titus 2 and realign my vision with God's plan for me.
Fourth, commit Ephesians 5:15-17 to memory...again.
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Fifth, talk with my dear hubby. He can usually help me refocus. Such a blessing!
Sixth, give my kids an extra hug for being patient with their Mama today.
What about you? Have you had any epiphanies or convictions lately?
3 comments:
Kristi!! It's so good to see you!!
I know all about starting and never finishing. It's an affliction you share with many of us, I'm afraid. I think you're on the right track in terms of diagnosis and healing!
I pray that this spring finds all of you happy and healthy. You are so dear.
So good to see you too, Richella! Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone and for your encouragement ~ as always. Many thanks and blessings to you ~
Very encouraging entry, Kristi! You are very open, which is an important first step. The Titus step and the memory verse seem very smart, and getting advice from the hubby is wise as well. I've found that sometimes I have started something without thinking about the "opportunity cost": what I will have to give up to accomplish what I thought was a great idea. The title of the book you're reading fits into this idea: simplcity...simplify. Some things are viatally important: like having daily devotions with my kids. Others less so: helping my son get tennis and basketball scholarships some day; our daughter going to the Olympics in figure skating. A question I think more people need to ask is: am I so busy with "busywork" that I cannot pray regularly by myself and with someone, read my Bible daily and share regularly with someone, confess my sins and hear another's confession, bring a lost soul to Christ and take care of the poor, weak and sick who come into my life? Sometimes we should have never started a project and should just stop it and let it go. I will never run a marathon or climb Mt Everest, two goals I've had at times. I think it was wise and godly to let those things go. Who is your mentor? Who are you helping to grow? Grace and peace to you.
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